The Birth of Cyclops
by Ely2
Summary: My version of how Scott became Cyclops, met Jean, etc., etc.
1. Before the Beginning

The Birth of Cyclops

By: Ely

Rating: PG-13

Summary: My version of how Scott became Cyclops, met Jean, etc., etc.

Author's note: As I said in my first story, I have only ever seen the movies and read some stuff online, but have never read any of the comics. I have seen many different versions of when Scott first came/ met Jean/ etc. Therefore, I figured it would be okay if I did my own version. So be forewarned that it will not always (if at all) match canon. But I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Most of the stories I've seen say Scott is an orphan (with a younger brother) because of a plane crash and that his powers manifested at a school dance. I will be going with that. **If this is not true and I'm majorly stealing from another writer, please let me know and I will take it down immediately and change it.**

In addition, I will be including Warren Worthington III, although I don't know much about his character. If you want to see anyone else, let me know (and tell me where I can find out info about that character), and I shall do my best.

Thanks again for dealing with my lack of knowledge, and I hope you enjoy the story! Please read and review.

**Before The Beginning**

            _The nights lasted longer now. Or maybe it just seemed that way since he couldn't see anything other than darkness. With his eyelids taped shut and bandages wrapped around his head, he was beginning to doubt if he remembered what colors really looked like._

_            It had only been three days._

"Summers!" Scott slammed his locker shut and turned to meet his friend, as he maneuvered through the crowd of students preparing to leave after yet another long day. 

            "Hey there, Mike. What's up?" Mike jogged the last couple of feet and flung his lean body against the locker door next to Scott's.

            "Billy, John, Maia, Nora and I are going to Burger King. D'ya wanna come?" Scott lifted his backpack and slid his arms through the straps. They joined the steady stream of classmates filing through the doors.

            "Yeah, sure." Mike laughed and elbowed Scott, as the taller boy started blushing in anticipation of what his friend was going to tease him about.

            "Would you be as excited to come if Nora wasn't going to be there?"

            "Shut up."

            Mike smiled, but thankfully stopped teasing him as they joined the rest of the group waiting for them just outside.

            "Great news guys, we don't have to all squeeze into John's car."

            "Ah. So _that's_ why you wanted me to come!" The others laughed, and Scott glanced at Nora, a thrill going through him. 

            The group made their way to the cars, and Scott was ecstatic when he saw Nora preparing to get into his car. He slid into the driver's seat and started the old, trusty beater. Throwing the car into gear, he tried to look as cool as possible as he reversed out of his spot. He flicked on the radio and joined the line of cars waiting to pullout of the parking lot. He saw John pull into line behind him.

            Flicking on the radio, he lowered the volume so that they could still talk. While he wanted nothing more than to flirt with Nora sitting in the passenger seat next to him, Billy leaned forward from the back seat to ask him if he was going to the football game that Friday.

            "Of course. You had to ask?" Billy laughed.

            "Nora?" 

            Scott glanced at the girl sitting next to him, his chest constricting as he waited for her answer. _Please come... Please come_. Scott had been trying to work up the nerve to ask her to prom for the last...well...three years, but he never could bring himself to do it. He figured he had until the end of this week before he had to worry about someone else asking her first. 

            "Um. I think so. Maybe. I haven't decided yet."

            Scott swallowed. "You should. It'll be fun." Scott turned his eyes back to the road so he missed seeing Nora smile and blush, and he also missed the jealousy flash across Billy's face, as the other boy had seen Nora's reaction to Scott's statement.

            Scott finally made it to the Burger King's parking lot. He stopped the car, and they piled out just as John's car pulled up next to his. Scott hung behind, trying to figure out how he could work it so that he got to sit next to Nora in the booth. Despite his best efforts, however, he did not manage a spot next to her, but he did work it so he could sit across from her. Which was, in many ways, better. He didn't remember anything from the conversation - the only thing he could remember was how she looked when she was laughing: the glint in her eye, the sparkle of her smile. __

All too soon, the rest of his friends decided it was about time to head home. Luckily, everyone went to the cars they came in. Once he, Billy and Nora were buckled in, but before he started the car, he turned to Nora.

            "I actually haven't been to your house. Is it closer or should I drop Billy off first?" Nora looked back at Billy.

            "You live on Elm?" At his nod, she tilted her head to think. "You'd better drop Billy off first, then." Scott's heart soared. He'd get to be alone with her for a while. Maybe he'd finally summon the courage to ask her to the dance. The three didn't talk much on the ride to Billy's home; they just let the music fill in the silence. 

            Scott pulled into Billy's driveway and put the car in park. 

            "See you tomorrow, man."

            "Yep. Bye, Nora."

            "Bye, Billy."

            Scott backed out of the driveway.

            "Which way am I going?"

            "Uh." Nora looked away and cleared her throat. "I live on Springbrook Court."

            Scott's brow furrowed in confusion. "But that's a heck of a lot closer to the school than here. Why'd you say to drop Billy off first."

            Nora blushed. "I'm sorry. I lied. I wanted to talk to you alone. Please forgive me?"

            Scott's heart was beating so fast he was sure she could hear it. Did he dare hope that she wanted to talk to him alone for the reason he thought she did? Was it possible? Turning onto the main road bringing them back toward the school, he tried to calm himself.

            "Oh?" It was the only thing he could risk saying - he was sure that if he tried to say anything else his voice would reach a pitch he hadn't heard since he was 13. 

            "Um. Yeah. I-" Nora paused to take in and let out a deep breath. "I was hoping you would go to prom with me?"

            Scott slowed the car down, pulled over to the shoulder and put the car in park before turning to face her. Nora's expression was part fear, part hopeful and part proud. 

            "Really?" Scott thought for a second that maybe he just imagined it.

            "Yeah...um, if you want to." The longer it took for him to answer, the more the fear started to dominate her face. It quickly disappeared, however, when Scott broke into a huge grin.

            "I've been wanting to ask you for weeks!" Nora answered him with a grin of her own.

            "Good."

            They just sat quietly for a while, breathing a little harder than usual and unable to wipe the smiles off their faces. Finally, Scott cleared his throat and put the car into drive.

            "I should get you home."

            "Ok."

                                                            *                      *                      *

            The next couple of weeks were like a fantasy world for Scott. Almost every day, he gave Nora a ride home from school. They went to movies, for walks, shopping. Just about every moment possible they spent together. And their first kiss was magical. Scott had never been happier; in fact, he thought he was falling in love. Finally, the night of the prom arrived. He stood in his room, tux on, carefully inspecting his appearance. A knock on the door announced the presence of his foster mother, who, when she entered the room and saw him, looked like she was about to start crying.

            "Oh, Scott." She held her hand to her heart. "You look so handsome."

            Scott blushed and pulled her into a hug. He had been with Sandra and Bob for a long six years, and though they had never adopted him due to legal difficulties, he felt like they were practically his real parents. However, that didn't stop him from groaning when she whipped out her camera. 

            "Now Scott. This is the first formal dance you've gone to.  Let an old woman have her fun." He laughed good-naturedly and smiled wide for the pictures.

            "That wasn't so bad now, was it? All done - go get that lovely date of yours and have a good time." Scott wasted no time in doing so. Driving the now familiar route to her house, he was soon ringing her doorbell, flowers in hand. The door opened to reveal yet another mother with a camera.

            "Wow, Scott. You look so handsome. Come in, come in. Nora will be right down." As soon as she said the words, they could hear the girl's footsteps on the stairs. His jaw dropped as he saw her.

            "Uh.." It was all he could manage, but Nora got the general idea behind the grunt. She smiled, walked over and kissed him on the cheek - captured on camera by her ever-vigilant mother.

            "You too."

            He smiled and presented her with the flowers, which she graciously accepted and then handed her mother, who went to get a vase. Nora smirked after her mom, grabbed his hand and whispered conspiratorially to him.

            "Quick, let's get away from the Photo Monster while we still can!" He laughed and opened the door as she yelled out goodbye.

            "Wait, honey! The pictures!!"

            "Sorry, mom, we're late!"

            As the door closed behind them, Scott shook his head at her. "You're horrible. We've got 20 minutes." She laughed as he opened the door for her and helped get all of her skirt inside the car before closing the door, running around and getting in himself.

            "I know. What can I say - I wanted to get this handsome hunk of a man all alone so I can kiss him senseless."

            "Ooh, I'm o-" The rest of his response was cut off by her lips, but he wasn't going to complain. After a long, deep kiss, they pulled apart, gasping for air. 

            "We'd better stop now. I don't want to become a cliché." Scott frowned at her, confused. 

            "What?"

            "You know - off like a prom dress." She smirked at him. He knew she was just joking- they had experimented a bit, but neither were ready to go that far yet. But his body reacted to it as if she had been telling the truth, and he groaned, resting his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.

            "Sorry."

            "That's okay, you minx." She chuckled, he recovered, and they were soon on their way to the prom. Walking into the gym, they both made sarcastic comments about the poor decorating job. Almost as if it was planned, a slow song started playing just as they reached the main dancing area. Scott wrapped his arms around Nora, and they lost themselves in each other and in the mood. They danced for a long time - fast songs, slow songs, it didn't matter as long as they were there with each other.

            They took a break long enough for Scott to go to the bathroom and Nora to sit down and rest her aching feet. That break would forever change Scott's life.


	2. The Manifestation

**The Manifestation**

Nora sat down on the bleachers, sliding her feet out of the god-awful dress shoes that looked oh so perfect with the gown but did horrible thing to her poor arches. She took a moment to watch all the rest of the couples dancing and having fun. She smiled at the thought of Scott in his tux and glanced toward the bathroom doors waiting for him to come out so they could start dancing again. However, with her attention solely on those doors, she missed Billy walking up to her. He touched her on the shoulder, and she jumped about a foot into the air.

            "I'm sorry I scared you."

            "Oh, it's okay. I should've been paying attention. Are you having a good time?"

            Billy looked at her with a glint in his eye that unsettled Nora more than it should. "Probably not as much fun as Scott's having." He paused to look up and down her body, and Nora felt repulsed, wishing she had worn a less slinky dress. "He's a lucky guy."

            Nora tore her eyes away from his and slid further away from him on the bleacher bench. "Thanks, Billy." Billy slid as well; he ended up even closer to her than before. Grabbing her hands, he pulled her toward him so that she was practically sitting on his lap. For a second she was too shocked to move, and that second was all Billy needed. He lowered his head to hers and kissed her deeply. 

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Scott walked out of the bathroom and back onto the dance floor, eyes immediately searching for Nora. When he did see her, his heart stopped. Over in the corner, locked in a passionate embrace with a guy he thought was his friend, was the girl he loved. Staggering, he reached out to grab onto the wall, putting his other hand against his chest. Pain, anger, hurt, fear, disgust. Emotions rolled around in his body, threatening to overwhelm him. Soon just the pain and anger were left, and for some reason, the pain was mostly in his eyes. They itched and hurt and watered. And he feared that they were doing that because he was about to start crying. 

            Unwilling to have anyone see him bawling over Nora, he went back into the bathroom and stumbled blindly into the stall on the end. Locking the door, he leaned against the wall and breathed heavily, trying to get himself under control. It started to work, and he began to think that he would be able to handle going out there and confronting her. Maybe just maybe it wasn't what it looked like.

            He rubbed his still aching eyes and reached for the stall's lock. He stopped when he heard a couple of guys enter the bathroom; his stomach dropped when he recognized one of the voices as Billy's. The other, Neal Ganner, was one of his friends that Scott did not know that well. The pain in his eyes and anger in his heart returned even stronger than before as Scott realized they were talking about Nora.

            "So why were you guys making out anyway? Isn't she Summers' girl?"

            "Well, let's just say...she's ready to move on to a real man."

            "So she's ditching him tonight? Man, that's cold."

            "What makes you think it started tonight?" Billy laughed and the anger erupted in Scott. He wasn't Scott anymore, he was just pure molten anger and hate. He was about to launch out of the stall and kick the shit out of Billy when wave after wave of needles pierced his eyes. He fell to his knees, crying out. He shut his eyes tightly, hoping that might help but instead it just felt like there was a ton of pressure pounding against the back of his eyelids and bouncing around inside his head. He could barely hear Billy and Neal knocking on the stall door, asking what was wrong. Unable to stand the pressure anymore, he opened his eyes again.

            The pain ended almost immediately as the bright red light shot out from his eyes, blasting the stall door and the boys behind it backward into the sinks and wall. They fell to the ground while the beams kept going over them, knocking a hole in the wall, causing the girls in the bathroom next to theirs to shriek in fear. And they weren't the only ones afraid. As the pain reduced every second his eyes were open and releasing the light, Scott's fear grew exponentially. _What was happening? Oh my God, I'm hurting people! I gotta stop this. How do I stop this? What _the hell_ is happening?!?! _He struggled to close his eyes, afraid of what would happen if that didn't stop it. Closing his eyes was the hardest thing he had to do in a long time. It was like bench pressing 100 pounds, running a mile and taking the ACT's all at the same time. He finally managed it, breathing heavily at the exertion. Shaking, he climbed unsteadily to his feet and listened to the screams around him. 

            The screams died down as the dance's chaperones pushed their way through the crowd. 

            "What happened here?"

            "Oh my God."

            "Somebody call an ambulance"

            "Get the kids away!"

            "Scott? Scott? What happened? Open your eyes and talk to me, Scott."

            "Scott?" That last quiet voice made its way to Scott's ears through the crazy din around him. It was the only voice that made sense, as if everyone else was talking a different language. _Nora. _At first, he was overjoyed. She was here; she could wrap him up in her arms and soothe him as they tried to figure out what happened to his eyes.

            But then the pain and anger and jealousy came flooding back in as he remembered Billy's words, as he saw them kissing in his mind. And his eyes started to itch.

            "Get away from me, Nora." It didn't sound like his voice. The anger, the rough edge. It sounded deeper, more like an adult. 

            "Scott?" He could hear how upset she was and a part of him felt guilty. 

            "Go. AWAY!"

            "Scott." This time it was the principal, and Scott migrated to him, begging for the comfort and strength he heard in Mr. Halvert's voice. He felt Mr. Halvert grab him by the elbow and lead him carefully through the rubble of the bathroom.

            _The rubble I caused. I did this. Oh, God! Did I hurt anyone?_

            "Mr. Halvert? Is everyone okay?" This time his voice didn't sound like an adult; it sounded like a scared little boy who was on the verge of collapse.

            "I don't know yet, Scott. Don't worry about that right now. Let's just get you to my office. Why don't you open your eyes- it will be easier to walk that way?"

            "NO!" 

            "Okay, okay, Scott. Why not? What happened in there, son?"

            "I-I don't know. I don't understand. I don't - I don't - "

            "It's okay, Scott. You're going to be fine. Let's just get you into my office." Scott followed the principal down the schools halls, gasping for air like he'd never have enough again. He vaguely heard the sounds of sirens and fresh waves of guilt and fear rolled over him and caused him to stumble in his steps.

            Once he was safely sitting in one of the chairs in Mr. Halvert's office, the principal left him to hurry back to the gym. Scott was left by himself, and he had never felt so helpless. Virtually blind out of fear of what would happen if he opened his eyes again, he sat in the office and tried to determine what happened. Deep down, though, he already knew.

            _I'm a mutant. _He had read enough about them, even though the mutant gene wasn't apparently that common. And he knew how much some people feared them. _Will they be afraid of me too? _ But he already knew the answer to that one, too. They were already afraid of him. _They should be. Look at what I did in there. And with my _eyes_. Will I ever be able to open them again? Will I ever be able to see again? What am I going to do??_

As possible scenario after possible scenario raced through his brain, he started thinking more and more about his foster parents. Were they afraid of mutants too? Would they hate him and kick him out? Even if they didn't, how could he inflict this on them? They didn't deserve it. He wasn't their _real _son. 

            What if he didn't have a chance? What if the police came into the office in the next minute and locked him up for the rest of his life. A danger to society. And he was dangerous. What if he _had _hurt someone? What if he _killed_ someone? 

            It was too much to handle. He had to get out. Get out before the police came to arrest him, get out before his foster parents kicked him out, get out before Nora told him that she was cheating on him and dumping him and could never date a mutant. He had to get away from this life and start a new one. How he was going to do that he didn't know, especially since he was, for all intents and purposes, blind. But he had to try. He wanted to get away before they threw him away.

            Vaulting himself out of his chair, he walked slowly across the room, arms stretched out in front of him to protect himself from running into anything. He made it to the door without bumping into anything major. He stopped at the door, not breathing and trying to listen for sounds of anyone walking toward the door. It was hard to tell since his heart was beating so hard it was impossible to hear anything else. He decided to take a chance and eased the door open, slid outside and closed it quickly behind him. Pausing, he gathered his thoughts as he tried to figure out what to do next.

            _I can't go home. They'll look for me there. But how can I just leave without saying goodbye to Sandra._

_            But what if she doesn't want anything to do with me..._

Scott's mouth went dry as he started to remember Bob talking about mutants. He never said anything _bad_, but Scott knew he was afraid of them. Sandra never talked about it, but what if she felt the same way. 

            _What if they turn me in?_

His fear made the decision for him. He wasn't going to go home. But since a boy in a tux would certainly attract attention, he needed new clothes. Fortunately for him, he had left his gym bag in his locker on Friday. He quickly scanned his memory's map of the school to figure out the best way to his locker from the principal's office without going near the gym. Moving as quickly as he dared, one hand lightly trailing along the wall on his right, he stole through the silent school. Reaching the desired hall, he felt along the wall until he reached the bank of lockers that his was in.

            _First...second...third locker from the right. Here we go._

Scott almost started crying when he reached his locker. Not out of relief, but out of sheer frustration. 

            _How the HELL am I supposed to open my locker when I can't look at the numbers. Great, Scott. That's real smart thinking, boy._

He stood there for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. They'd notice him missing pretty soon, and his locker was probably one of the places they'd look for him. Should he leave in his tux or was there some other way to get different clothes?

            Wait. There was a way. Could he do it? It was the only way to get his shorts from out of the locker. Resolved to do it and get out of there as fast as he could, he knelt down with his right shoulder flat up against the locker door next to his. He found the combination lock with his finger and drew a line from it to his eye. Resting his ear against the locker so that his eye was in line with where the lock was, he carefully moved his hand away from the lock. Taking a deep breath, he sent a prayer up that this would work and slowly, cautiously cracked his eye open. 

            The force of the beam escaping was not as great this time, but it still knocked him backwards. He instinctively closed his eye, noticing that that wasn't as hard this time either. He quickly pulled himself up from his position, sprawled on the floor on his butt, and reached out to feel if it had worked. The lock and handle were no longer on his locker, and he could only assume that they were both embedded in the wall across the hallway. Expecting that people would have heard the blast, he grabbed the gym bag out of his locker and ran in the opposite direction from his locker as fast as he could. The entire time he was suppressing the idea that had treacherously snuck into his head that this mutation, besides making him effectively blind, could actually prove useful in some ways.

            Making it to the back door, he ran out into the cold night. He stumbled and tripped almost half a dozen times as he ran across the open field. Expecting to hear voices of police officers and school officials to call out to him to stop at any moment, he ran with much less caution than he would have liked, given his state. Running straight into branches, he sighed with relief when he reached the wooded area on the edge of the field. He figured he could go into the forest a little ways to catch his breath and change. He tried to go in as straight a line as possible so he would know which direction to get out - right, toward the highway.

            When he had walked for about ten minutes, he threw his gym bag to the ground and stepped out of his shoes. He knelt down on the ground to open the bag, not caring that he was getting the slacks dirty. It's not like he'd be turning it in to get the deposit back anyway. Rummaging through the bag, he found his shorts and socks. He pulled those on and shrugged out of his coat, tie and shirt, leaving only the white undershirt on. He rummaged around to see what else was in the bag. Tennis shoes - easier to travel in than the dress shoes he had just taken off. Deodorant - that will come in handy, as would the comb underneath it. Not wanting to take too much stuff along, he decided to leave the tux behind and stuffed the rest back into the duffel bag. Grabbing his wallet from out of the pants, he tried to remember how much money was in it. 

            _Hmmm. Thirty bucks, I think. And Bob's credit card for "emergencies." While this would definitely be considered one, the police would probably trace it. And who knows if Bob would still want me to use it now that I'm a mutant. So not that much money... Oh well, I guess I'll just have to make it last as long as I can._

He threw the wallet into the bag with the rest of his stuff, thought longingly about his trusty car waiting for him in the parking lot, took a deep breath and headed out of the woods. Headed toward a new, uncertain life.


	3. The Beginning

**The Beginning**

            He'd been on the road for two days, and he still wasn't quite sure how he had managed to survive. He remembered making it to the bus stop and buying a ticket for New York. It had taken a good chunk of the money, but he thought it sounded as good a place as any to get lost in. And he had even managed to run into the nicest old man in the world. Eddie had thought he was blind, and so he bought him a pair of sunglasses and lunch. Scott hated himself for having played along, but he had been so hungry. And with the sunglasses, he could bum some tape off random business people he met on the bus, tape his eyes shut and hide the makeshift surgery. That way he didn't have to worry about hurting someone or about unwanted questions.

            However today was the day the bus ride would end. Today he'd be in New York, blind, penniless and homeless. He hadn't let himself think about it before, but now he couldn't bring himself to think about anything else. How was he going to live? What was he going to do?

            It turns out that all his worrying was for nothing. Just as that break from dancing at the prom had been when his life irrevocably changed, that New York bus stop was the place where his new life - the one he was destined for - began. He stepped off the bus, unsure of even which direction to walk in. Before he could even take one step, a crisp British voice interrupted his thoughts.

            "Scott Summers?"

            Fear filled Scott. How did this man know who he was? Was he a cop? FBI? Would he take him back home to punish him for the prom night? Or would he be taken to some lab to be poked and prodded? A strong urge to run almost made his feet start moving of their own accord, but his curiosity about the man won out. He tilted his head in the direction he thought the voice had come from and tried to look as tough as possible.

            "Yeah?"

            "Scott. My name is Charles Xavier. I'm here to help you, not to hurt you or turn you in. Will you hear me out?"

            _What do I have to lose?_

"I guess."

            "Thank you. My car is over in the lot. Would you like to go get something to eat?"

            All the warnings Scott had ever heard about getting into cars or accepting gifts from strangers ran through his head. But, for once in his life, Scott threw caution to the wind. He wanted to trust someone so badly. He wanted to stop running, to let someone else solve the problem. He wanted to believe that this Xavier guy really was there to help him, not to hurt him. He wanted to believe that he wasn't alone.

            Xavier obviously knew Scott's answer even in his silence. "Very good. Just walk straight ahead for about twenty feet. I'll let you know if you have to move out of the way or step over something.

            A wave of relieve washed over Scott. Someone else was in charge. He could stop worrying for just a little bit. A part of him - maybe a part that had been absent prom night - felt like everything had finally fallen into place.

            He took the first step forward.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            They ate at a small diner near the bus stop. Or rather Scott ate..and ate...and ate, while Xavier just had tea. Normally, Scott would have been a bit more restrained when eating in front of strangers, especially when said stranger is paying for the food. But right now he was too hungry to care about propriety. And there was something about Xavier that made Scott feel like it didn't matter what he did, the older man would always be happy to care for him. That was something Scott had never felt sure of, even after years of living with Sandra and Bob.

            And yet, as comfortable as he felt around Xavier, Scott couldn't shake the feeling that the other shoe was about to drop. It finally did so around 5:30, during dessert. 

            "Are you ready to talk about your mutation yet?"

            Scott nearly choked on the piece of cherry pie he had just stuffed into his mouth. To hear someone talk about it so cavalierly made him feel a sliver of hope that maybe not everyone would treat him like a freak. He cleared his throat and put his fork down on the table.

            "What do you mean?"

            "You must know that you'll have to deal with it eventually. Wouldn't it be better to do that now, so you can get a head start on the rest of your life?

            Scott snorted derisively. "What life could there possibly be for me?"

            "Scott." Xavier's voice was impatient, long-suffering.

            "What? There's nothing for me. I'm blind, I have no money, no family. I'm a _mutant,_ for Pete's sake.

            "So am I."

            He just said it. Not like it was something to be ashamed of or, for that matter, something to be proud of. He just was. It was a fact, a part of who he was. It scared Scott a little that someone could be that confident in himself that he could just admit to being something that most of the world feared and hated. A small part of him felt ashamed with himself, for at those words, a sliver of fear ran through him as well. Why was he afraid because Xavier said he was a mutant? Wasn't that a bit hypocritical.

            _No, Scott. It's smart to be afraid. _Scott jumped in his seat as Xavier's voice bounced around in his head. His heart raced and, if they had not been taped shut, his eyes would have opened automatically. _Mutants are, in many ways, just like non-mutants. There are good ones and bad ones. And it has nothing to do with their mutation, but instead with how they use them. I can assure you, I use my mutation - telepathy - ethically and honorably. _

_            I can, obviously, speak into your mind and, if I wanted to, read your thoughts. But I don't and I won't. You can trust me. I know that's hard to accept just at face value, but if you give me the chance, I would like to prove it to you through my actions._

"And- and what actions would those be?"

            "I'd like you to come stay at my house. I will help you figure out how to control your mutation. You don't want to keep your eyes taped shut forever, do you? In addition to teaching you how to be a mutant, I am qualified to continue teaching you the subjects you were learning in high school, as well."

            "I...don't have any money. I can't pay you."

            "Did I say anything about money?"

            "What do you want instead?

            "To make sure you don't grow up with the fear and self-loathing that so many other mutants have had to face. And maybe, someday, you can repay the favor to others."

            Scott sat quietly, thinking long and hard about Xavier's offer. A part of him was afraid of going off with a virtual stranger, but a stronger part wanted to see what Xavier could do. Would he be able to help Scott again? Just the mere chance of that was enough for Scott to throw caution to the wind. He finished his pie, and the two left for Xavier's home in Westchester.

            And that's how he found himself lying on a big bed in his own room of what he could only assume was a mansion. Xavier had brought him to the room as soon as they got to the mansion; he said resting now was more important and that they could take care of everything else in the morning. Except morning seemed like a long way off. He couldn't fall asleep, but at least he couldn't see a clock to find out how late it was getting. Instead he just laid there, wondering about what kind of person Xavier was, wondering if he would ever be able to see again, wondering what the future held in store for him, wondering if he would ever see Sandra and Bob again. Wondering, wondering, wondering. Thoughts and worries chased themselves around his head endlessly, and part of him thought his brain would never be quiet again.

            Finally the darkness started to seem a little less _dark. _A knock at his door announced Xavier's presence, and Scott followed him to another room where breakfast was waiting. Despite the massive amount of food he ate last night, he was hungry again and his mouth watered at the smell of eggs and sausages. 

            Xavier let him eat in peace while he read the newspapers. Scott finished eating and Xavier set the paper down.

            "Well, let's get started then. First, tell me about how your mutation manifested." It was a hard story for Scott to start telling. He may not be able to see at the moment, but he could still remember what the destruction he had caused looked like. He relived the smells and sounds of that night, his heart beating fast in fear just from thinking about it. 

            However, as he continued talking, it started getting easier until the words were flowing out of his mouth. And it was as if the fear was connected to the words. The faster they left his mouth, the better he felt about the situation, and he suspected that a large chunk of it was the fact that Xavier seemed to be okay with it. He hadn't judged him or reacted negatively in any way. Scott felt that the older man understood what if had felt like - like maybe, just maybe, he wasn't actually _that_ different.

            Scott finished his story, and Xavier released the breath he had been holding in for the last couple of seconds. 

            "Interesting. Many mutants' have had their powers manifest in public, and often traumatic ways, but you seemed to react differently than most. You kept your head, even in the face of your fear and pain. I doubt very few people would have been able to find their way out of a school blind, much less develop and execute a plan so well. I commend you; it's an important skill to have."

            Scott blushed. That hadn't been what he was expecting the first words out of Xavier's mouth to be, but they had done more to help him accept the situation than anything else might have.

            "Thank you, sir."

            "Your welcome. I think the next thing we shall do is figure out how to control your mutation."  The_ if we can _was as implicit in Xavier's statement as it would have been if he had just said it. But he hadn't said it, so Scott didn't bring it up either. They would soldier on as if there was no doubt that Scott could control it.

            But in the end, it would have been better if they had dealt with it at first. Perhaps then the disappointment would not have been so difficult to bear. They tried pretty much every mental and physical exercise they could think of, but it was no use - his brain could, or would, not control his mutation. For the first time, Scott faced the very real possibility that he would never be able to open his eyes and see again. 

            At the end of the long, exhausting and ultimately fruitless week, Scott and Xavier were sitting in his office in companionable silence. Scott could hear the crackle of the fire in the fireplace and idly wondered what the office looked like. Thoughts like that were depressing him more and more often; he sighed and shifted in his seat. 

            "I'm sorry, Scott. I really thought we'd be able to figure this out."

            Scott didn't say anything. There wasn't really anything to say.

            "I realize it's only been a week, so it's a little early to think there's no hope. In fact, I have one more idea, if you're willing to try it?"

            Scott turned his head in the direction of Xavier's voice. Hope sparked in his chest, and, in a way, it was more painful than any of the disappointments he felt this week. 

            "What's that?"

            "If you grant me permission inside your head, I can perhaps find the area that controls your mutation."

            It was such a simple idea that Scott was mildly confused they hadn't thought to try it before. But then he realized that Xavier probably _had_ thought of it before. He probably dismissed it without even bringing it up to Scott, who knew how much the older man hated messing with other people's minds. The next words out of Xavier's mouth proved his suspicions right.

            "I would have suggested this before...but, in the long run, it would've been easier if you could have figured it out on your own. But...now...it might be the only chance we have."

            "Then what choice do I have?"

            Xavier sighed. "You always have choices, Scott."

            For the first time since the prom, Scott erupted in anger again. "Will you just cut this crap out? I'm tired of you being all sage-like and shit! I don't have choices! I don't have anything!"

            Xavier sat quietly all throughout and immediately after Scott's outburst. The silence was deafening, and Scott felt ashamed for having lost it, especially when Xavier had done nothing but help him since the two had met.

            "It's been a long week, Scott. Why don't you go to bed, and we'll try it again in the morning?"

            Scott thought about the large, cold bed waiting for him in the other room. He thought about the lonely dark hours of the night spreading out before him, and he knew that tonight would be another sleepless one. He thought about the bandages and the fear. He thought about the future.          Although he kept insisting he couldn't possibly have one, he desperately wanted to be proven wrong. But the future he now wanted wasn't one for himself. He wanted a future so that he could go out and help other mutants. He had only spent a week with Xavier, but the man had influenced him in so many different ways. He thought about how much better he had felt this last week than the first couple of days, even with the disappointments he had suffered. He wanted to help other mutants feel the same way. But he couldn't do that if he couldn't function.

            "No. I want to do it now. I can't spend one more night like this - not knowing. Please. Tell me if there's a chance." His voice was shaky with tears. Ashamed at his weakness, Scott cleared his throat. He almost lost it again, though, when he felt Xavier pat his shoulder.

            "Alright. Just...relax."

            Scott took in and released a breath, leaning his head back on the couch. He started in shock when he felt the first soft tendrils of Xavier's mind flitting across the surfaces of his mind. It was as if he was actually touching the brain, but it didn't feel weird. It was comforting. The tendrils jumped here and there finding memories and thoughts and feelings. Scott was embarrassed, knowing that Xavier was finding things out about him that he would never told him on his own. But, in a way, he didn't care. Not just because he knew this was going to possibly help him, but also because he knew how much Xavier respected people's privacy. He knew that Xavier would never think less of him because of what he sees. 

            Scott felt the tendrils go deeper into his brain, now he was examining the physical structure of the brain - trying to figure out where the part that would control his mutation was. He wasn't quite sure how he knew and understood all the actions Xavier made, unaware that it wasn't just his mind that was open. He and Xavier were connected at the moment, and anyone with telepathic ability in his situation could have read Xavier's mind like an open book. 

            And because of this connection, he knew when Xavier found the controls - knew that they were badly damaged - knew that he'd never be able to control his mutation, that he was blind for the rest of his life. And Xavier knew he knew because no words were spoken. The older man wrapped his arms around Scott, ignoring the difficulty of the motions around the confines of his wheelchair.

            And Scott wept.


	4. Acceptance

**Acceptance**

            Scott was lying in his bed, awake as usual. The sorrow he had felt at knowing his search for sight was useless had lessened a little bit; now there was only a dull, persistent ache. Instead, he was too busy thinking about what had happened the rest of the night. When the tears had finally stopped, he and Xavier talked long into the night. Scott had found out more about Xavier than ever before, and his respect for the man grew even more. He had told Scott about his past and about his dreams for the future - a future of peace and acceptance between mutants and non-mutants. Just listening to Xavier speak about his vision inspired Scott. 

            He wanted to be a part of it. 

            Which is why now, just a few short hours after finding out that he'd never be able to open his eyes again without causing horrible destruction, he began to feel hope. He may be virtually blind, but that didn't mean he couldn't learn how to function. And once he learned how to function, he could start helping Xavier make his dream the reality.

            Scott smiled, turned on his side and fell asleep.

                                                *                      *                      *

            Xavier sat in the dining room, eating breakfast and waiting for Scott to join him. Thinking about his ward, his heart filled with pride. The disappointments he faced this last week, culminating in the horrible discovery last night, were enough to break any man. But not Scott. He dealt with the pain and anger and had moved on. 

            Xavier was ecstatic that Scott turned out to be so brave, so mature, so resilient. When Cerebro had shown him a young, scared mutant heading his way, his first and only thought had been to help him - teach him and show him kindness that very few other people would have. But something happened this last week that he hadn't expected. He had found a son.

            He heard Scott's slow steps making his way down the hall and into the dining room. Smiling, Xavier wheeled himself down the table to pour Scott a cup of coffee. 

            "Good morning, Scott."

            "Good morning, sir." Scott stretched his hand out in front of him, reaching out for the dining room table he knew was there. Finding it, he followed it down to the chair at the end and sat down. He heard Xavier place the coffee cup in front of him and could smell the eggs and bacon sitting on the plate next to the cup. But, for the first time since he got there, he didn't start digging into the food immediately. He just sat there, facing straight ahead, obviously deep in thought. Xavier didn't need his telepathy to tell that he needed to talk about something.

            "What is it Scott?" The boy started, looking a little embarrassed.

            "Uh, sorry, sir. It's just - I - I thought about a lot of different things last night. And...I have a proposal for you."

            Xavier hesitated for a few seconds, confused about what Scott was talking about. "Okay."

            "Well...you're a licensed teacher, right? And you also want to help mutants."

            "Yes."

            "So...why don't you do both?"

            Xavier paused again. "I have considered establishing a private school for mutants. But I wouldn't be able to help more than one or two children at a time. And I would feel horrible trying to use Cerebro to decide who those children would be."

            "Which is why you need help." Scott exhaled nervously. "I want to help. Obviously, I won't be qualified to teach for quite a few years, but I figure it will take you a little bit of time to get everything figured out anyway. And, while you're doing that, I'll work at finishing my high school diploma and start learning how to be a teacher."

            Xavier started feeling a tiny sliver of hope that someday his dream really could come true, but he tried desperately to keep control of his thoughts. He desperately wanted to listen to Scott's words and forget all about the problems associated with enacting them. But he couldn't do that to Scott. How could he tie a boy as bright and amazing as Scott to himself and to a school for who knows how long? He had seen inside Scott's brain and knew that the boy hadn't wanted to be a schoolteacher before his mutation manifested. Just because it had didn't mean he should give up on his dreams.

            Xavier sighed, his heart wrenching as he made up his mind against the one plan that might have helped make his dream come true.

            "No, Scott. I can't let you do that. You don't want to be a teacher." 

            The smile that had tentatively growing on Scott's face quickly faded, and his mouth set into a grim line. His shoulders sagged momentarily, but he almost immediately resumed proper posture.

            "Read my mind."

            "What?" Xavier almost choked on his tea.

            "Read my mind. I don't have the words to describe how much I want this, how much helping you fulfill this goal means to me. I couldn't do my feelings justice with mere words...and, I kinda doubt you'd believe just mere words."

            "Scott..."

            "Read...my...mind."

            Xavier sighed, but complied, reaching the tendrils of his mind out of his brain and slowly across the space between the two men. Strangely, he was afraid of what he'd read in Scott's mind, but, in a way, he also couldn't wait. He lightly brushed Scott's mind and was almost thrown backward by the sheer intensity of Scott's desire to show him how he felt about a possible school. 

            "Okay, Scott."

            "Okay." Scott smiled and finally put a bit of his breakfast into his mouth. Shoving it to the corner of his mouth, he spoke around the food, too excited to care about table manners. "Which brings me to the next part of my proposal. In order for me to help, and to finish my schooling, I have to be able to function. Controlling my mutation is out of the question, so I'll just have to do what non-mutant blind people do. I would like to go to some sort of camp or school or something for blind people. Would you be willing to help me pay for that, and you can keep it out of any paycheck I would get from you once we start the school?"

            "Of course," Xavier said, fully intending to never accept the money from him. His heart burst with admiration for the boy and his rolling with the punches. It was hard for Xavier to remember sometimes - you don't have to have special mutations to be able to solve some problems, and he was grateful that Scott reminded him of that. After all, if his school was to become a reality, they would be teaching the kids not only how to use their mutations, but also how to live in a non-mutant world.

            With that taken care of, Scott quickly dispatched the rest of his food, while Xavier excused himself to go research schools for the blind in the area.


	5. Education

**Education**

            Two weeks had passed since Scott's suggestions on how to make Xavier's dream a reality. Practically every night, the two had talked long into the wee hours, discussing what classes they would teach, how many other teachers they would need - the basic administrative details. But now it was time to put Scott's plan in motion, which was why he was now cautiously making his way out Xavier's car at Broad Horizons School for the Blind.

            He had been the new kid before - being a ward of the state meant you went where they told you to go - but he had never been as nervous as he was right then. However, he didn't feel entirely out of place; the school was designed for people that had been able to see, but had suddenly lost the ability. It would teach them sign language, as well as how to use their remaining senses to their advantage.

            "Scott? My name is Leslie; I'm one of the instructors here at school. Please walk forward five steps and reach out your hand." Scott did so, managing to find her outstretched hand. "Now follow me"

            The two walked slowly toward sounds of a classroom, and Scott could hear Leslie's walking stick tapping as they went. He smiled at the thought that the blind was leading the blind, but he knew that one of the reasons Broad Horizons was so effective was because a large number of faculty and staff were also blind. Observing how other blind people were still able to be productive helped the students realize that their lives weren't over just because of the unexpected loss of their sight.

            Scott followed Leslie through the school building and into a classroom. There wasn't any of the customary chatter of students waiting for a class to begin, and Scott knew that was because the rest of the kids were also new to the school. And they were probably just as scared and alone as he was.

            Leslie took his hand and put it down on a desktop.

            "Follow the row two seats back. That desk is empty, and it will be yours, Scott."

            "Thanks."

            He made his way to the desk and sat down. As he did so, he heard a rustling coming from the seat in front of him. 

            "Hi...Scott?"

            "Yeah. Hi."

            "My name's Kim Worthington."

            "Nice to meet you."

            "Nice to meet you."

            "I-"

            "All right everyone, let's begin" Scott smiled ruefully, sad that he was interrupted in a conversation with someone who could have been his first friend here, but eager to start learning.  

                                                *                      *                      *

            After class, Leslie walked with him to his room at the school. Describing the exact contents and their locations, she left him to unpack his bags. He started putting what he had already learned into practice, making sure all of his possessions were neatly placed in their proper places. When he finished putting everything away, he zipped the suitcase shut and shoved it under his bed.

            "Time to eat..." He paused to remember the directions to the cafeteria and left in search of food. When he got to the kitchen door, he stopped, unsure of what to do next.

            "Scott?" He turned, startled by the voice at his left.

            "Yeah?"

            "I thought so. You're the only one I haven't met yet. I'm Karen, one of the assistants here. I can help you get food, if you'd like." Although many of the staff were blind, they obviously needed some people who could see, especially to help the new students get acclimated.

            "Sure, that would be great."

            The two went through the line as Karen told Scott what the selections were and put the food on his plate. Then she held out her arm and waited as Scott grabbed at air until he found it. She led him to a nearby table. 

            "Scott on your left is Caleb. Across from him is Kim - "

            "Hi, Scott. We already met, Karen."

            "Oh, well that's good! And next to Kim is Mary. Enjoy your dinner."

            "Thank you for your help, Karen."

            "My pleasure. Bye guys!"

            Scott listened to her walk away as the rest of his dinner companions sat silently, obviously nervous about meeting someone new." Finally Kim broke the silence, and Scott had a feeling she was the type that would usually do so.

            "So Scott, your turn to share the horror story. Caleb, here, is congenital disease, I'm car accident injury, and Mary took a bad fall off a horse. What about you? How'd you lose it?

            "Kim...give him a chance to take a bite to eat, at least!"

            "Sorry, Mary! I figure the sooner we get it out of the way, the better."

            "It's okay...uh, Mine's also congenital." Scott frowned to himself. _Well, mutations are hereditary...so, sort of, I guess!_

"Welcome to the Club," Caleb patted him on the back. Scott laughed, picked up his fork and dug in. Some things never changed.

                                                *                      *                      *

            The next day, the teachers started the long, hard task of teaching the kids how to read Braille. Scott had no idea it would be so difficult; to him, all the bumps felt the same. He was overjoyed when he learned how to read his name by the end of the day.

            At the end of the day, Scott was exhausted, but he forced himself to go to the common room first. In what was quickly becoming the normal way of things, Kim found him, and the two started talking.

            "So I was born and raised here in Westchester. My family's pretty good, of what I see of them. Dad's always busy with work - he and my uncle own this big company in New York - anyway, and Mom's usually at some charity or another. And I don't have any brothers or sisters. Just my cousin - we're pretty close. What about you?"

            And, surprisingly, Scott found himself telling her the truth - well, at least part of it. He told her about the foster homes and running away ("from an icky legal situation - they wanted to take me away."). Finally, he told her about meeting Xavier, and how greatly he had affected him and helped him decide what he wanted to do with his life.

            "I know who Charles Xavier is. I've never met him, of course, but he knows a lot of the same people that my parents do. From what I've heard, he's a real genius."

            "Amazingly so."

            "It must be pretty intimidating, huh?"

            "Not really. At first, yes. But he has a way about him that makes you feel like you're worthy of the highest praise."

            "He sounds great."

            "Yeah..."

            For the next couple of weeks, the classes got easier and easier as Scott soon learned how to deal as a blind man. At night, he and Kim would sit in the common room and talk, and they soon started doing so later and later into the night. 

            And Scott began to feel something. Something almost like what he felt for Nora, and it scared him more than anything. Granted, Nora had never gotten the chance to reject him, but the cynical part of him thought that she would have done so for sure. Which made him fear that, of course, Kim would do. Who would want to date a mutant? No one, and Scott didn't even try to lie to himself otherwise. So he resigned himself to the fact that he would take what he could get from Kim and leave well enough alone. And that saddened him.

            But apparently Kim had other plans. One night when they were talking, Scott's heart stopped beating as she reached out and touched his upper arm. He didn't really know why; it's not like they hadn't touched before. But this time, it just felt so different. His mouth went dry.

            "Scott?" Her voice was almost a whisper. He nodded, before realizing she obviously couldn't see him. He tried to speak, couldn't and cleared his throat.

            "Yeah?"

            "Can I - Can I...touch your face?" Scott felt himself blushing deeply. He knew that touching the facial features was a way that many blind people used to get an idea of what someone looking like. 

            "Sure."

            He almost thought she changed her mind because it seemed like an eternity before he felt her warm, soft fingertips brush across his cheekbone. The fingers trailed up until they hit his sunglasses. She followed the rim to his nose and down that over the slight swell of his lips. She went up the other side of his face until she hit the glasses again. The entire time, Scott didn't think his heart beat once.

            "Can I take off your glasses?" Her voice had never sounded so soft.

            And that's when Scott's heart started beating. In fact, it started racing. _The tape!"_

"No!" He practically yelped, as Kim's fingers jumped back from his face like they had been burned."

            "I'm sorry." She sounded so hurt that Scott wanted to kick himself. That stupid tape - obviously there for everyone else's protection! He wanted to make his sharp reaction up to her, but could think of only one thing that he wanted to do.

            So he did it.

            He launched himself forward and crushed his lips to her. He only missed her lips by a few centimeters, and they quickly corrected their positions. That kiss was probably the best one Scott had ever had, and his heart hurt because he knew anything with her wouldn't last.

            Finally, they come up for air. 

            "D- do you want to feel my face?"

            "I don't need to."

            "What?"

            "I already know you're beautiful." He kissed her again and felt her smile.


	6. Interlude

Author's Note: I realize that this is not the way Jean is probably introduced in the comic strip, nor is it the way her powers manifested. But it's my story, I've already said it won't be exactly canon, so...roll with the punches, people! :)

**Interlude**

            Jean Grey smiled at the desk nurse as she walked in for her volunteer shift at the hospital. Although she was only one year into college, she knew what she wanted to do, and she was working her way toward it. She had already volunteered in every section of the hospital, but today was her first day working in the section that mattered the most to her - medical research.

            Reaching the doors that almost seemed, to her, like the entrance to heaven, she took a deep breath, set her shoulders and walked through.

            To find no one. Frowning, she slowly made her way to the rooms beyond the main one, looking around for a sign of life.

            "Hello?" She heard a clattering in the room at the far end of the hall and made her way toward it. She almost reached it when a harried - looking young doctor stepped out.

            "Hi. You must be Jean. I'm Hank McCoy."

            _The Hank McCoy. This really is_ _heaven!_

"Nice to meet you, sir." Dr. McCoy pursed his lips in disgust. "None of that. Just Hank."

            "Yes...Hank."

            He smiled. "I'll show you where you can toss your bag." She followed him to his office, which was little more than a closet with a desk stuffed into it. That desk was so covered with papers that she couldn't even tell what color the metal top was."

            "Excuse the mess," Hank said in his harried, preoccupied voice, which Jean had a feeling she'd soon realize was the only tone his voice took. 

            "No problem." 

            "Put your stuff anywhere. I'll be back out in the lab when you're ready."

            "Thanks." He was gone in a flash. Jean moved over to the other chair, pushed back against the wall and also covered with papers. She put her bag down next to the chair's legs and laid her raincoat over the top of it. As she did so, the paper on the top of the stack caught her eye and she looked closer it.

            _Mutations: The X Gene. A study by Dr. Hank McCoy_

            She was immediately intrigued. The X gene had fascinated her in class, but nobody really knew that much about it. And here she was, volunteering in the lab of the person who knew the most about it. Desperately wanting to just sit down and start reading the study, she forced the urge down and went out to the lab area.

            "So, what would you like me to do, Hank?"

            "I was told you knew how to make slides."

            "Yes, sir."

            "Good." And that's what she did. For the next three hours. The two didn't talk much, although she desperately wanted to ask what each "hmm" and "hunh" was about. Finally, when she thought she was about to burst with curiosity, he offered her a glimpse.

            "This is really interesting. Did you want to take a look?" She all but ran to his side, getting there before her mouth could form a reply. He smiled and stepped aside, allowing her access to his powerful microscope. 

            Looking through it, she saw what she thought was DNA, but nothing like she had ever seen. 

            "What is it?" Her voice a mere whisper, the awe she was feeling practically emanating from her.

            "Alpha - Mutant DNA."

            Jean stood up, a frown of confusion upon her face. "I thought alphas basically kept to themselves, afraid of how everybody else would treat them. Last I heard, there were no samples of mutant DNA, except the little people could get when the manifestations caused the mutants to be brought to a hospital."

            Hank smiled mysteriously. "I have my sources." His source was the alpha mutant who helped him adapt to his own mutation, and who was currently helping another young mutant. He had yet to meet the new charge and apparently wouldn't for a while because the boy was at some other school.

            Jean smiled back, but didn't push her luck. 

            "Thank you for letting me look. I'm very interested in the X gene." After that, Hank started telling her everything he was studying, and the overjoyed Jean couldn't figure out why she had been afraid to broach the subject with him. Too soon, though, she forced herself to go back to work and began to make slides again. Engrossed in her work, it didn't register when the doors opened and a man rolled his wheelchair into the lab. She jumped when he spoke.

            "Excuse me, miss. Is Dr. McCoy around?"

            "Oh, hello. Um, I believe he's in the back room. I'll go get him for you."

            "No, thank you. I'll go myself. Feel free to get back to work."

            Unsure of whether she should stop the man from going back to the lab, Jean just stood there, watching him wheel his way toward the other room. He entered the room.

            And that's when Jean's life changed.

            "Xavier! It's nice to see you!"

            Jean just about dropped the glass she was holding. There was _no_ way she should be able to hear Hank like he was standing right next to her. And, in a way, it didn't _sound_ like he was right next to her. It sounded almost like he was speaking over the phone to her.

            Jean's heart started racing. What was happening? Why was hearing the voices making her head hurt? Why could she hear the voices in the first place? It didn't make any sense, and she didn't know what to do. 

            And then her heart practically stopped. A different voice started talking right along side Hank and his visitor. Then another, and another. Pretty soon, voices were chasing each other around inside her brain. She grasped her head with both sides, tears running down her cheeks, praying for it to stop. 

            She didn't think she could take it anymore.

            So she fainted.

                                                *                      *                      *

            "Do you think she'll be alright?"

            "For now. I've erected shields for her, and, hopefully soon, she'll be able to block it herself."

            "It was a good thing she was in the lab when she manifested."

            "Yes...a very good thing..."

            The voices came to Jean slowly, like they were swimming through muck. But she was just happy that the voices came through her ears, not miraculously into her brain. She fought her way back to consciousness and opened her eyes to see Hank and the man in the wheelchair looking down at her with concerned faces. 

            She wasn't in the lab. She appeared to be on a bed in some sort of mansion. What was happening?

            "Don't be afraid, child. We're here to help." The man in the wheelchair said, smiling at her. That smile made it seem silly and impossible to be afraid. He appeared to be such a gentle, intelligent man. 

            "Hank?"

            "Jean...do you remember what happened?"

            Tears sprang to her eyes as she remembered the cacophony of voices that had scared her so much. She nodded, and the motion made her head hurt.

            "Jean. My name is Charles Xavier. I am a mutant." Her eyes widened, not out of fear, but out of the burning curiosity to find out more about him and his gift. "And so are you."

            Shock reverberated around her body, but not for long. In a way, she had already known that. Even as the voices confused her, she remembered hearing another voice - her own voice - telling herself _you know what this is. you've been expecting this._

"You are a telepath," Hank said. "Like Charles."

            "I will help you learn how to control your gift so you never have to listen to the multitude's voices again. You will be able to control what you see and hear. But, most importantly, you will be able to control what you _don't_ hear. And that will be a lot. A person's mind and thoughts are their own, and just because you have the ability to know them doesn't mean you have the right. I have the power to wrench open your mind and know everything about you - your innermost thoughts and secrets, your deepest desires, your most horrendous hatreds. I can see your most treasured memories and your worst nightmares. How would you feel if I did that?"

            "Violated." Jean's voice was tiny, in awe of this man who exuded such power. 

            "Exactly. And when you learn how to control it, you may have the ability to do everything I just described. If you cannot tell me right now that you would never do that, that you respect a person's privacy, then I will not teach you. I will remove the shields I have erected and leave you to the voices." He wouldn't do that, and Hank knew that. But it was a good idea to put the fear in her heart. "And, if at some point during the training, I feel like you might someday not respect someone's privacy, I will immediately stop training you."

            "I would never do that," Jean said, trying to put as much of her conviction and own sense of ethics into her voice as possible, hoping Xavier would believe her. Not realizing that he would have already known she wasn't the type of person to do that, and was just telling her again to be doubly certain.

            "Good. It's important you realize: mutants are not gods. We are humans, with the ability to act with the grace and wisdom of God."

            "I understand."

            "You should know," Hank said. "I'm a mutant, too. Although nowhere near as powerful as Charles."

            "Are you a telepath, too?"

            "No, I have advanced intelligence and physical agility." _(A/N: This is what I gathered from other stories I've read. Please forgive me if it's incorrect.)_

            "Thank you, Hank. You can go back to your research now, if you'd like. Jean and I have a lot of work to do."

            "Thanks, Charles. I'll start working on that problem of yours tomorrow."

            "I appreciate it."

            Hank left, and Xavier turned back to Jean, smiling as he prepared to start helping her learn how to control her gift. _Two children in a matter of weeks. I'm closer to that school Scott and I envisioned than I had thought...._


	7. Relationships

**Relationships**

            Scott smiled as Kim snuggled against his chest, one hand lightly placed against the crook of his neck. He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the smell of her shampoo. She giggled, lifted her head and kissed his cheek. His heart burst with happiness as he thought about the last month. It had been perfect.

            In fact, the entire time had been spectacular, not just the budding relationship with Kim. He had learned how to do so much. Catching onto Braille was a lot easier when he put his mind to it. He learned how to trust his other sense, how to deal with a walking stick, how to tell his money apart, organize his clothes and a bunch of other tasks that would help him do a bunch of things that a seeing person would take for granted. Learning how to do all of these things helped him break out of the shell his mutation's manifestation had wrapped him in. He was happy and energetic again, like he had been at home with Nora and the others. He had started looking forward to the future, sure that he would have one - that he could create one with Xavier. 

            And, maybe, that he could create one with Kim.

            If he could just get up the nerve to tell her the truth about him. It had been a month, and he had never been as close to anyone before. Not even Nora had touched him the way that Kim did. And yet he could not get over the fear that she would hate him, fear him. It was just a risk he couldn't take. And he hated himself for it because it felt like he was lying to her every time he saw her. The guilt was eating him up inside. 

            "Scott?"

            He shook his mind, clearing it of the thoughts that had been plaguing him more and more often lately.

            "Yeah?"

            "This Saturday is my cousin's birthday. There's a party. Do you want to come with me?" Her voice was filled with fear, obviously nervous that he would react poorly to the idea of meeting her family for the first time. In reality, Scott wasn't scared. He was excited. He had heard a lot about her family, especially her cousin Warren, and was looking forward to getting to actually meet the people he felt like he already knew.

            "Yeah, sure. That would be fun."

            "Are you serious?" Her voice was incredulous.

            "Yeah." She smiled and leaned up for a kiss. It was a testament to how many times they've kissed in the last month that they could find each other's lips almost instinctively.

                                                *                      *                      *

            Scott and Kim sat outside the main doors of the school, waiting for the family's driver to come pick them up for the party. Only when Scott actually thought about it, did the immense wealth of Kim's family bother him, and he wondered why it did, since Xavier was just as rich, if not more so, and that didn't bother him at all. _Maybe because I'm not dating Xavier._

He lifted his head as he heard a car pull up and stop next to them. 

            "Hello Ms. Worthington. And Mr. Summers?"

            "Hi Ben. Scott, this is Ben. He's been driving us around for about five years now."

            "It's a nasty job but someone's gotta do it."

            "Ha. Ha."

            Scott followed Kim into the car, and Ben was soon pulling away from the school. A short while later, they pulled off the highway and made their way toward the large grounds of the Worthington Mansion. Scott felt them stop, and that was when the nervousness hit him. Not that they wouldn't like him, not that they wouldn't approve of his and Kim's relationship, but once again of: what if? What if they found out about his eyes? About his mutation? He wasn't afraid that he wouldn't fit into their financial world. He was afraid he wouldn't fit into their _normal_ world.

            "C'mon, Scott. We're here."

            "Okay." For not the first time, he desperately wished his mutation was the ability to make himself invisible. Or teleportation. Or, really, anything that would save him from this fate.

            "Kim?"

            "Warren!" And that was when Scott's nervousness went away. Anyone who could make his Kim sound that happy, that excited, that carefree…they were okay in his book.

            "This must be the famous Scott."

            "Hi." Scott stuck his hand out in the general direction of the voice. A firm, warm hand grabbed it and shook quickly and confidently. "Scott Summers. Happy Birthday"

            "Warren Worthington, and thanks."

            "Or, as I like to call him, Taxes."

            "Taxes?'

            "Yeah… W-2." Kim snorted her usual laugh at one of her horrible jokes, while Warren and Scott groaned.

            "Don't listen to her. That's the first time I've heard that one. How long did it take you to think that up, cos?"

            "What can I say? These things just come to me."

            "I wish they wouldn't."

            "You're just _jealous._" Scott smiled at the easy banter and teasing barbs the cousins threw at each other. He felt a pang of longing for a family of his own, and smiled when he thought that he did have one. Xavier was his family, and he was Xavier's. But a part of him missed Sandra's hugs.

            "Come on inside, Scott. The rest of the family is just _dying _to meet 'the most wonderful guy in the whole entire universe'."

            "Oh, my God, Warren! Do you have to repeat every embarrassing thing I say?"

            "Hey, you're just lucky I can't show the baby pictures." Scott felt Warren stop abruptly in front of him, barely stopping himself from running into him.

            "Uh…I'm sorry if I was out of line there, Scott. We're just used to joking about things with Kim; I don't know how you feel about that kind of stuff."

            "Oh, no. It's perfectly fun. Life's not worth living if you don't see the humor in it."

            "Good, good. I would hate for you to think I'm an insensitive prick."

            "At least, until you've gotten to know him. Then you'll _know_ he's an insensitive prick."

            "Ha. Ha. Ha."

            Scott went on autopilot as they entered the house and started greeting all of Kim's family. Sometimes he felt like he made the best impressions when he wasn't really controlling his body. However, he was aware enough to realize that his nervousness was slowly ebbing away as relative after relative welcomed him with open arms. He stubbornly ignored the voice in his head saying _yeah, but they don't know, do they? And neither does she…_

After talking school with Kim's mom, future plans with her Dad (as Kim pleaded in the background for him to stop scaring Scott away) and sports with Warren's Dad, Scott finally grabbed a plate of food and hid off in the corner. 

            Everything went smoothly for a while, until Warren's mom started raising a fuss. Scott meandered his way over to find out what was going on, and learned that her cat, as it had done many times before, had gotten itself caught up in a big oak tree. Scott could hear a quiet _meow_ plaintively whining above his head.

            "Oh, Warren. Please, baby, go get Athena." 

            "Okay, okay. When will that stupid cat learn not to climb that tree!" 

            Scott turned to Kim, who was standing next to him and leaning against his shoulder. "Does Warren have to climb up after the cat a lot?" He felt her tense up.

            "Uh…yeah…"

            "Poor guy."

            She didn't say anything in response, and Scott wondered if he had said something wrong. He was about to ask her, when he heard the strangest thing. It was the sound of a bird fluttering into the air, but it was right next to him and louder than any bird he had ever felt before. And, even more strangely, it felt like the bird's wings were fanning the air around him into a comfortable breeze.

                                                *                      *                      *

            Back at their usual spot in the school lounge, curled up on the sofa, Scott thought back to the strange events of the day, and he finally got up the urge to ask Kim about it. She sat quietly, tense again, and he was afraid she was going to refuse to answer the question. Or at least pretend she hadn't heard it. Just when he was about to give it up as a lost cause, he heard her take a shaky breath in and release it.

            "I was afraid to tell you. I don't want you to be afraid…or hate me."

            "What is it? He reached out and grabbed her hand, trying to show her that he could never feel anything but love for her.

            "My cousin. Uh…he's a mutant. He has, well, angel wings." She pulled her hand away from his, obviously getting to run the second he started reacting horribly to the news. In reality, all he could do was sit there, in shock, as he thought about how long he had been afraid of her finding out the truth and hating him for it. When, actually, the person she loved most in the world was even more obviously mutated than he himself was.

            A burst of relief and love filled his body, and he reached out and pulled her into his arms, kissing her passionately.

            "Did you really think that would make me love you any less?"

            She laughed a strange, strangled laugh and threw her arms around his neck, breathing quickly in happiness and pent-up stress leaving her body. She moved into kiss him, but Scott moved his head aside.

            "I have something to tell you, too."

            "Yeah?"

            "Uh…my blindness. It wasn't caused by hereditary problems. Or an accident. Or anything like that."     

            "What was it caused by?"

            "I'm a mutant, too. Red force beams burst out of my eyes when they're open. Underneath the sunglasses is tape, heavy-duty tape, keeping my eyes shut so I don't hurt anybody or anything. I don't know if I can actually still see or not, but it's too dangerous for me to ever try to do so again."

            "Oh, my God. Why didn't you ever tell me before?"

            Scott pressed his forehead against hers, breathing deeply. His heart dropped as he heard the sound of her sunglasses clinking against his. 

            "I was afraid."  

            "Did you really think that would make me love you any less?"

            "Yes."

            "Then come here and let me show you differently." She pulled him into a kiss, and Scott didn't think he could ever be happier in his entire life than he was in that moment that Kim leaned over and kissed the _real _Scott Summers.


	8. Sight

Sight

Hank rubbed his eyes, sighing in exhaustion. He shoved the papers to the corner of his desk and laid his head in his arms. Mumbling to himself as formulae and solutions ran through his head, he tried not to think about how late it was getting. Then, when he was about ready to give up for the night, the rest of the solutions faded as the correct one blazed against his mind's eye. 

            Standing up so quickly his chair clattered to the ground behind him, Hank lunged for the phone and dialed Xavier's number.

            "Hello, this is Charles Xavier."

            "Charles, it's Hank. I've got it."

                                                *                      *                      *

            "If I tell you something, will you promise not to get mad?" Kim hugged Scott's arm, cuddling up next to him. He chuckled at her scared-sounding plea.

            "Uh oh."

            "I-uh, I was talking to Warren last night...and I kinda told him that you were a mutant too."

            "Huh."

            "Are you mad?"

            "How'd he react?"

            "He was really excited. He wants to talk to you more."

            "Oh."

            "Scott. Please? Are you mad?

            He bent down to kiss her head. "No, of course not."

            "Yay!"

            Before Scott knew it, he and Kim were on their way yet again to the Worthington Mansion. The nervousness he felt last time they made the trek was nothing compared to what he felt now. And yet, he was incredibly excited as well. Sure, he had Xavier, but Warren would be the first mutant his own age. It was so great to know he wasn't alone. 

            When they arrived, Kim went off with her aunt, leaving Warren and Scott alone to talk, but it took a few minutes before either worked up the nerve to say anything.

            "So...uh...when did you...?" Scott didn't even recognize his own voice.

            "About three years ago - when I was 16. At first, I thought I hurt my back somehow. It ached constantly. Then, one night, the pain was unbearable. My parents were going to take me to the emergency room because there were two lumps on my back, but before they could, the lumps broke. No blood came out, just the first couple of feathers of my wings. They were fully grown within a few minutes."

            Warren let out a shaky breath, and Scott could tell he hadn't told the story that many times more than Scott had told his own.

            "My father and I developed a rack that will hold them tight to my body. I had to get some bigger clothes, but I can go out in public without people running in fear." Warren sighed. "I wish it didn't feel like I was lying to myself, that I was ashamed of who I am."

            The older boy fell into silence, and Scott didn't know what to say. He didn't even know if he was supposed to say anything. 

            So he told Warren his story.

            When he was done, the dam broke. Instead of talking about what they were, they started talking about who they were. Their favorite sports, their childhoods, their pet peeves. Within minutes, Scott felt like he was better friends with Warren than anyone else he had ever met, and he was pretty sure that Warren felt the same. They started talking because they had similar genetic make-ups. They kept talking because they were kindred spirits.

                                                *                      *                      *

            The next few weeks were busy ones for Scott. When he wasn't learning new skills at school, he was with Kim, or Warren, or both. With them, he finally felt like he had a family. Then, when he didn't thing he could get any happier, something happened that made all the rest of it seem like nothing.

            His prayers were answered.

            It started like any other day. He woke up, had breakfast with Kim, went to class, rode around with Warren in his new convertible. Then the phone rang.

            "Hello, Scott. It's Charles."

            "Hey, how are things going over there?" The older man spent a few minutes telling him about the new mutant girl that he was helping. Scott felt a pang of jealousy that another person - one with a gift like Xavier's own - was there. He briefly wondered if she would take his place in Xavier's life, but soon silently reprimanded himself for being silly. He would always be Xavier's surrogate son, and he would have to get over the jealousy before they started the school. A lot more kids would be vying for the man's attention. 

            "Scott? Did you hear me?"

            "I'm sorry, sir. What was that?"

            "Are you able to come home this weekend for a visit?"

            "Sure."

            The weekend came quickly, and Scott soon found himself in a car heading toward Xavier's home. He felt some curiosity about the new girl, but he knew he wouldn't meet her. Her mind was still too fragile, and she wasn't capable of producing her own shields. 

              Xavier was waiting at the front door him. After a few minutes of exchanging pleasantries, the older man asked Scott to come with him to his office. When there, Scott sensed they weren't alone, and he was right.

            "Scott, this is my friend Hank McCoy. I've told you a little bit about him."

            "Oh, yeah. Doctor, it's nice to meet you. 

            "Please, Hank."

            "Hank."

            "Scott. When you left for school, I asked Hank if he would think about your situation, and we think we might have come up with a solution."

            "A solution?" Scott's heart lurched, almost afraid of hearing the next words. Afraid that they were what he wanted to desperately hear – but then turn out to be a dead end like everything else.

            "We hope."

            Scott took a shaky, much needed breath. "What is it?"

            "Here. Put these on." Scott reached out his hand and felt a pair of glasses being pushed into them. He slipped his own pair of glasses off and was about to put the new pair on when Xavier stopped him by reaching out to gently pull the tape away from his eyelids.

"Sir. What - ?"

"Trust me, Scott."

Scott paused for a second, but soon slipped the new pair of glasses on."

"Now…open your eyes."

"What?! No!"

            _Scott. Open your eyes._

Xavier's voice in his head sounded so confident that this was going to work, so unafraid, that Scott had no choice but to comply. His eyelids cracked open, and it almost hurt to have them open after so long. The force of the beams erupting out of his eyes caused them to open all the way almost immediately. He remembered the rush of energy from the dance, and the memories flooded in.

            But the painful memories were pushed aside by the wonder of this new experience. The beams weren't hurting anybody, weren't destroying anything. The glasses absorbed the energy and dissipated it. There was a red tint to everything, but that didn't matter.

            What mattered was that he could see Xavier for the first time.

            What mattered was that he could see everything.


	9. Rebirth

            A/N: I could come up with some reason why I haven't updated in so long, but there really isn't one. I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person. If there's anyone out there still even interested in this story, I promise I'm already working on the next chapter. So it should be up pretty soon. And it should be longer than this one, too. I just wanted to get something up.

            Anyway, thanks for reading, and please don't hurt me for making everyone wait so long!

Rebirth 

Scott walked slowly around the grounds of Xavier's mansion, the older man rolling along at his side. He stared at everything in wonder, his heart bursting with joy. A small part of him longed to see what colors the flowers actually were, longed to see all the lush greenness of the trees and grass, but he quickly put those desires out of his head. He should be- and was- grateful just to be able to see the flowers, trees and grass. He would get used to the red tint a lot easier than the darkness.

            "So what's next, Charles?"

            The older man continued in silence for a few seconds.

            "Well, you only have a few weeks left of the semester. I think you should finish it up. The things you've learned and will learn - and not just in the classroom - are invaluable. Especially since, someday, you might have to operate without the glasses."

            "I was hoping you'd let me finish, actually. I don't want to leave my friends just yet." Scott's face burned red with embarrassment. 

            "You mean you don't want to leave Kim," Xavier teased, a mischievous glint in his eye as Scott's face turned an even more deeper, impossible shade of red.

            "No."

            "Don't be embarrassed, Scott. I'm happy you've met someone that can make you feel this way. And remember, you _can_ still see her after you leave the school."

            "I know...it's just not going to be the same, you know?"  
            "I know. But you can make it work."

            "I hope so."

            The two men continued walking for a few minutes, enjoying the warm breeze. Scott took a deep breath, smelling the garden scents and the intangible "summer's coming" smell. 

            "So...how's it going with Jean."

            Xavier sighed, running one hand against his forehead. 

            "Not as well as I hoped, not as bad as I feared."

            "Do you think she'll be able to maintain her own shields soon?"

            "She has the strength and skill to do so now, she just doesn't have the desire."

            "Doesn't have the desire? Wouldn't anybody want to stop the noise?"

            Xavier's face scrunched up, and Scott could tell he was searching for a good way to explain his answer.

            "Scott....it's not easy to explain to someone who isn't telepathic but, when the dam first breaks, it's incredibly terrifying. You feel everyone around you - their pain and fear, their anger and hatred. You hear every little vindictive, evil thought. All people can be evil, not just bad people. But you also feel the love, joy, happiness, awe. Take the best feeling you've ever had and multiply it by hundreds. Can you imagine how that must feel? And...even the bad stuff still gives you a sense of awe - not at the world, but at yourself. You've never felt so powerful, never felt so special."

            Xavier sighed. "It's a hard thing to give up."

            Scott stared at the older man, feeling for the first time that there must have been a time in Xavier's past when he wasn't always this wise and charitable. When he was just a man - a man with an incredible gift and even fewer people in the world to share it with than there was for Scott. Scott knew he would never learn everything about this man's past, but, even though he realized that he could no longer put Xavier up on a hero's pedestal, he still had never known a better person in the entire world. And he was that person _because_ he wasn't perfect.

            "Huh." It was a rather pathetic response to the speech Xavier had given, but he didn't appear to expect anything else.

            "But I hope that you will be able to meet Jean by the time you're done with school."

            "Really? That'd be great."

            "She's looking forward to it, too. I've told her a lot about you. She thinks you're wonderful to help me with my goal of a school."

            "Now, Charles, you're going to be doing most of the work. I'm just sticking around so I can continue to mooch off of you."

            Both men laughed and continued on their stroll around the gardens.

                                                *                      *                      *

            The rest of the school year went by way too fast for Scott. And that was in part because he hadn't yet told Kim about what Hank had made and that he wasn't coming back for the next year. He just didn't know how to tell her. But soon it was after finals, the last night they would be in the dorms, and he knew he couldn't put it off any longer.

            They were in his room. It was clear that talking was the last thing on Kim's mind and Scott desperately wanted to indulge her. He groaned and pushed her away.

            "I'm sorry." He whispered, kissing her temple. "I need to talk to you about something."

            "Oh. Okay." She cuddled into his side, throwing an arm over his stomach. "What's up?"

            "Hank...uh, designed these glasses that can counteract my mutation. If I wear them, I can open my eyes and see without destroying everything. There's a red tint to everything, but still...I can _see_."

            "Oh my God! That's so great. I'm so happy for you!"

            "Are you really?" Scott sat up straighter. "I...thought..."

            "Scott, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I am. I'm scared, too, that this might change so many things for us. But this is _such _a wonderful thing for you. I love you too much to let those...immature feelings get in the way of your happiness."

            "You do realize this means I won't be coming back to school next year, don't you?"

            Kim didn't speak for a few seconds, and Scott felt her fingers grasp at his shirt. His heart ached in sympathy.

            "I know." Her voice was so quiet he had to strain to hear. "But I only have a year left. And you can drive now, so you can come visit. Aaaannndd...you'll just have to be the bestest best boyfriend ever and make it up to me."

            Scott barked in laughter and hugged her closer to him.  

            "You're something else."

            "I know. You're just so lucky."

            "I am."

                                                *                      *                      *

            Scott put the last of his socks in the dresser drawer and snapped the suitcase shut. Sliding it under his bed, he stood up and looked around at his red tinted bedroom at the mansion. As much as he hated leaving the school and Kim, he was overjoyed to be back full time with Xavier. It felt like he was finally home.

            He left his room in search of Xavier. 

            _Scott. I'm in my office. Please join me._

Storming down the stairs, Scott jogged the few feet to Xavier's office, knocking as he opened the door. 

            "Hey, how -uh, hello."

            Xavier smiled at Scott from behind his desk, while an attractive young redheaded girl turned in her chair to face him. She smiled, and it lit up her face.

            "Hi, Scott."

            "Jean?"

            She nodded, clearly uncomfortable and shy. Scott flashed her one of his patented charming smiles. That seemed to put her a little more at ease, but unfortunately Scott still felt pretty nervous.

            "Yes," Xavier rolled out from behind his desk to a spot in between the two youngsters. "Scott, meet Jean Grey. Jean, Scott Summers"

            Scott reached his hand out to shake hers.

            "Why don't I leave you two alone for awhile. You can get to know each other without the old fuddy duddy making things weird."

            Both of them chuckled as Xavier left the room, but that was the last sound either of them made for quite some time afterward. They both shifted uncomfortably in their seats, looking anywhere but at the other person.

            Finally, Scott cleared his throat. "So…."

            Jean looked at him and flashed him an amused smile. "I take it that you're as good at small talk as I am?"

            "Oh, probably not even that good. Hey, that's one thing we have in common."

            "And we're both mutants."

            "See, that's more than enough for us to be able to become great friends."

            "So tell me about yourself. Maybe we'll find out a third."

            "What do you want to know?"

            "Well….how did you end up here with Xavier?"

            Her question immediately brought back both good and bad memories. It was a story he only told a handful of times, but he felt like he could tell it in his sleep. She settled back in her chair as he began telling her about Nora. She was a great audience, making the appropriate sounds and expressions. 

She started straight at him pretty much the entire time he was talking. Usually something like that would unnerve him, especially since he still wasn't quite used to being able to see whether someone was looking at him. But, this time, it didn't seem so weird. In a way, it seemed right to be talking with her. Like they had been friends forever.

His voice went on autopilot, continuing with the story as he thought about why this felt so natural. A tiny sliver of guilt started to rise up in him as he relaxed, as he started to laugh more and more often, as he started to think about how pretty her smile was.

"And then, Xavier sent me to the school for the blind and…" _Kim. _Scott's voice failed him as the guilt came upon him full force. He had a perfect girlfriend who trusted him, and here he was about two minutes away from turning on the charming, flirtatious side of himself. 

"And?"

"Uh…you know, I gotta do some stuff before dinner. Can we finish this later?"

Confusion and a little bit of hurt flitted across Jean's face, and Scott's heart constricted in guilt for that as well. 

"Um, sure….uh…well, it was nice to finally meet you, Scott.

"You, too, Jean."

He practically ran out of the room, leaving the redhead sitting in the overstuffed armchair, looking tiny and alone. Slamming the door to his room open, he sat down on the bed and grabbed the phone by his bed. He dialed the familiar number and waited for someone to answer so he could talk to Kim.


	10. Friendship

Friendship

The music echoed from the bare walls and the far corners of Xavier's expansive garage. Scott's feet stuck out from underneath the Jaguar. Three semesters of Auto Shop at high school, plus a lifelong love of anything that went "vroom", were more than enough to teach Scott the intricacies of any type of engine, even one of a car that he had never dreamed of getting the chance to work on.

            But that day's tinkering wasn't just because of the lure of the engine; it was also to escape the lure of Jean and the guilt that lure inspired. He wanted to be friends with her, but he didn't like how _much _he wanted to befriend her. Sighing, he closed his eyes for a few seconds before re-opening them and picking up the wrench.

            _Scott._

Scott jumped, nearly hitting his head against the underbelly of the car. 

            "Yeah?"

            Scott's voice sounded weird in the emptiness of the room, but he still felt uncomfortable "thinking" conversations with Xavier.

            _Please come to my office._

            Scott reached out to the cement on either side of him and pushed himself out from underneath the car. He grabbed the rag and wiped his hands off. He sat up, groaning from the pain in his lower back. That was not the most comfortable way to spend two hours. Leaving the garage and turning the stereo off as he did so, Scott walked slowly, confused about the summons, concerned that Jean would be there too, concerned that part of him secretly hoped she would be.

            He knocked and entered, feeling the unsettling rush of disappointment/ happiness at not seeing Jean. 

            "Hello, Scott. How's the Jag coming along?"

            "Very good."

            "Excellent. When it's done, it's yours."

            Scott stood there, dumbstruck, gaping at the older man. "Uh, what?"

            "You heard me," he smiled at Scott. "Indulge me and my foolish generosity." 

            "Th-thank you." Scott's legs finally made good on their threat to give out and he practically fell into the chair across from Xavier. He was used to Xavier being great to him, better than anyone else had ever been. But this was too much. It wasn't like he was Xavier's real son. 

            _Close enough._

Scott started, looking at the older man in shock, even as his heart burst with happiness.

            "Sorry. You were broadcasting pretty loud and clear...but that wasn't the only reason I called you in here."

            "Oh?"

            "It looks like we may need to start our school plans sooner than I thought we would. I was using Cerebro this morning. There's a scared young woman coming our way with a mutation even I find scary."

            The awe and fear in Xavier's voice intrigued Scott, even as a heavy weight developed in the pit of his stomach at his confusion over what kind of mutation could inspire those feelings in the man. 

            "What can I do about it? I haven't been properly trained yet. I can't teach anyone anything yet."

            "The traditional school will come later, Scott." Xavier said, pausing to take a drink of tea. "Sometimes it's more important to teach people that they're not alone. You can teach this girl that better than anyone else. You can teach her that she doesn't have to be defined by her mutation, doesn't have to consider herself to be _just _a weapon. Your power is awesome _and _terrifying. But you've learned that it also has its uses. That it can be constructive as well as destructive...and that it isn't the only thing that makes you you."

            "Well, when you put it like that..." Scott leaned back in the chair, perching his left ankle on his right knee.

            "I will be swinging by the bus stop tomorrow afternoon. We'll be back about 4. I would like it if you and Jean could _both _be on the welcoming committee."

            Scott looked at Xavier guiltily, fully understanding the other man's meaning that he hadn't been exactly friendly with the older girl.

            "I...I know I haven't been the-"

            "Scott." Xavier held up a hand, shaking his head slightly. "It's okay. I understand."

            "You...do?"

            "You're broadcasting that pretty clearly, too." He said with a smirk. Scott blushed furiously. 

            "Scott...you're a young man. You're allowed to be attracted to people. Kim loves you. She  trusts you. She _doesn't _expect you to be perfect. No one does because no one can be."

            "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Scott stood, heading toward the office door. "I understand that...intellectually. I just have to understand it emotionally now."

            Scott left the room and started making his way back to the garage.

            _She also loves you for your ability to care...to be a friend...to help those in need. Jean needs a friend, Scott.. Show Kim that she's right to love you._"

            Scott's steps faltered. He leaned against the wall, his heart constricting, his mind racing. He sighed and started walking again. Toward Jean's room.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Jean was sprawled out on her back on the large bed that dominated the room. She took several deep breaths and closed her eyes, letting her mind wander into itself. She pictured the walls up around her brain. The walls were erected by Xavier, maintained by him too. But every day, four hours a day, she practiced with them. Learned how they were built. Learned what they did. Learned how to strengthen them, to manipulate them, to duplicate them and destroy them. Until one day when she understood every minute detail about the shields and the mind they protected, she could take care of the shields herself. 

            She longed for that day.

            It's not that she didn't appreciate what Xavier had done for her. She did. But she had always hated having to depend on someone else. And the fact that she was dependent on him for her own peace of mind, for her own sanity was almost too much for her. She had plans for her life, dammit. And they didn't include staying holed up in a mansion with a man she respected but was still too embarrassed to really open up to because of her inadequacy at learning how to use her powers. She didn't want to live just down the hall from a boy who wouldn't even give her the time of day. And she most certainly didn't want to be stuck here learning how to use these powers she didn't ask for when she should be at school, or in a lab or at the hospital with Hank. She wanted to be doing what she had always dreamed of doing. She wanted her old life back. 

            She didn't want to be a freak.

            The tears were flowing freely now, the study of her shields completely forgotten. She turned onto her side, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her stomach. Her heart felt like it was breaking.

            The knock on her door startled her so much she shot up to a sitting position, breathing hard and heart pounding. 

            _Kleenex. I need a kleenex. I can't be seen like this._ The desire to keep up a strong and independent facade was so strong it practically screamed through her head. She was frantic. She was desperate. She looked around wildly, her eyes landing on the box of kleenex on the desk.

            The box of kleenex that flew at her.

                                                                        *                      *                      *

            Scott stood outside Jean's door, waiting for her to respond to her knock and desperately trying to think of a plausible reason for coming to talk to her for the first time...ever. He hadn't thought before knocking. He just acted. He just wanted to do something to assuage the guilt he had felt at Xavier's words. It seemed like he couldn't do anything without feeling guilty. He talked to Jean, he felt guilty. He avoided her, he felt guilty. But, after what Xavier had done for him, he owed it to him to at least try. He would just have to make it up to Kim.

            Then he heard the scream and acted without thinking again.

            Slamming the door open, he ran into the room with his hand up by his glasses' controls. His heart pounded and fear unsettled his stomach, but he also felt invincible. He felt like he was doing something _right_. Like running into danger to help the damsel in distress was something he was born to do.

            Except...there was no danger. At least none that he could see. Jean sat on her bed, tear streaks marring her face, staring at the box of kleenex in her hands. She didn't even seem to realize that Scott had, for all intents and purposes, broken into her room.

            "Jean...what is it?" His hand was still up at the side of his face, ready to release the deadly rays. The adrenaline racing through his body was exhilarating, but it was tempered by the concern he felt for her, the sympathy he felt at the sight of tears in her eyes.

            She looked up at him with a dazed expression on her face, not really seeing him. Her eyes were wide open, wild and frightened and confused. 

            "Scott?"

            "Jean, what's wrong? What happened?"

            "It just...moved. On its own."

            "What did?"

            "The kleenex."

            "Huh."

            "It didn't move on its own, Jean." Scott spun around at the sound of Xavier's voice. The older man rolled into the room, allowing his comforting presence to envelop the room and its occupants. "You made it move."

            "But that's not possible."

            "Jean, you can hear people's thoughts. Is it so hard to believe you can move things with your mind?"

            "But...but...I can't have two mutations."

            "This isn't an exact science. Who says you can't have two different powers. Not to mention that they're sort of related. Talk about it with Hank sometime." Xavier turned his wheelchair around and headed out the door. "It looks like we're going to have to adjust your lessons."

            He left, leaving Jean sitting on her bed, confused and scared, and Scott standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do. They stared at each other in silence until Scott couldn't take it anymore.

            "Do you want to go for a walk?"

            She continued to stare at him. Should she or shouldn't she? Why did he want to spend time with her now when for the last couple of weeks he had treated her like she had the plague? Could she trust her fragile heart to a boy who didn't seem to understand what his avoiding her had made her feel?

            Could she stand being alone anymore?

            "Ok."

            He smiled and held out his hand, pulling her to her feet and out of the room before letting go. They wandered around the garden for an hour. And they talked. Only this time, they didn't talk about their pasts or their mutations. Instead, they talked about their favorite movies, books and music. They told jokes. Scott gave a play-by-play description of his work on the Jag. Jean did her famous impression of Agent Scully. They laughed and they walked. And they became friends.


	11. Accidents

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know I said I'd be updating more often. Technically, this is sooner than my last couple of chapters, but I'll try and do better next time!

Accidents

Jean and Scott made their way back to the mansion when it was getting close to the time that Xavier would return with the new girl. Scott told her about the request to talk to the girl about mutations, and how he wasn't quite sure how to handle it.

            Jean reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it a quick squeeze and dropping it. Scott could still feel her hand for a few seconds afterward. He swallowed hard.

            "You'll do fine, Scott. Just be yourself."

            "How original."

            "How true."

            They smiled at each other, as Scott pulled the door open for Jean. They headed toward Xavier's office as the butterflies in Scott's stomach started flying at superspeed. The door opened to reveal Xavier sitting near a young black woman with shockingly white hair. The combination was strange, but very striking. She looked as nervous as Scott felt, and his heart went out to her while the butterflies disappeared.

            "Scott, Jean. This is Ororo Munroe. Ororo, Scott Summers and Jean Grey."

            "Hi." Jean gave a small wave and leaned back against the wall. Scott didn't say anything, just smiled and closed the door.

            "Hello."

            "Well, if you two could show Ororo to her room, I would appreciate it. I'm sure you don't need 'the old guy' cramping your style."

            The three of them laughed, although the newcomer still looked very nervous. Scott re-opened the door, letting the women walk out in front of him. He caught up to them in a second, and they walked side by side up the stairs. 

            "So how long have you two been staying here?"

            Scott let Jean answer first, as after he answered he launched into some of his favorite stories of his first weeks with Xavier. He rightly guessed that he would have more comforting memories of what it was like at that time than Jean did. It eased some of his doubt when Ororo visibly started to relax around the two of them, although he figured it would still take some time before she felt truly comfortable around them and Xavier.

            But it was enough to make him feel that maybe he could keep his promise to Xavier to make the new girl feel secure about her powers.

            Jean must have figured he was done with his stories when he hadn't spoken in a while. She jumped in as they reached the door to the bedroom next to hers. 

            "So, Ororo. If you don't mind me asking, what exactly are your powers?"

            "From what Xavier told me on the drive here, I thought you would be able to tell."

            "You mean my telepathy? Didn't Xavier explain the ethical restraints on telepaths like him and me."

            Ororo smiled and looked away, embarrassed. 

            "Yeah, he did. I...I just kind of wanted to hear it from you, too."

            "Understandable." Ororo led the way into her new bedroom, sitting down on the bed. Jean joined her while Scott sat down at the desk chair. 

            "Basically, when I'm sad it rains. When I'm angry, there's lightning. When I'm happy, it's perfect. When I'm scared, there are 50 mph winds."

            "You control the weather?"

            "Hopefully someday," Ororo sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "Right now I feel like it controls me."

            "I felt that way at first," Jean said, sending a significant look in Scott's direction. He jumped, feeling like the look had been a slap in the face.

            "Me too." He cleared his throat and reached up to touch the side of his glasses. "In many ways, it always will control me. But Xavier, and the school for the blind, ... made me realize that it didn't have to control everything. Like Xavier told me once: our mutations aren't the only things that make us who we are."

            The women were silent for a few seconds, letting what Scott said sink in. Then, Jean suggested she and Ororo run into town for anything she might need to buy. Scott begged off, recognizing that Jean was trying to offer "girl time".

            Seeing them off, he instead jumped into the Jaguar and headed toward Warren's house. He knew Kim was going to be there, and he hadn't seen either in almost two weeks. He felt like a horrible slacker of a boyfriend. He cranked up the radio and headed out on the open road. He made the trip a lot faster than the posted speed limit would have allowed him to, but what the cops didn't see wouldn't hurt them. Sometimes a person just needed to drive fast, Scott thought as he smiled to himself.

            Warren was apparently not feeling well, but that didn't upset Scott too much as it provided him and Kim with a perfect opportunity to wander the grounds by themselves. Whether it was holding hands, throwing an arm around her shoulders or pulling her toward him for quick kisses, he couldn't keep his hands off her and silently promised himself he wouldn't let this much time pass before the next time he saw her.

            Kim was playful today, holding her cane off to the side and skipping forward haphazardly. Scott laughed along, relishing the beauty of the day's weather and the contentment in his heart. That happiness evaporated in a second as he saw Kim trip over a root and start to fall. Lunging forward, he grabbed her arm, trying to keep her from falling all the way down. As she felt his hand on her arm, she felt safe again and started to laugh at her own stupidity. Twisting around, she swung her other arm around to hug him. 

            And instead of going around his neck, her hand brushed the side of his face. As his glasses slid from their customary position, it seemed to be happening too fast to stop and yet insanely slow at the same time. His heart stopped; he shoved Kim away from him, looking up and away. 

            He heard the destruction of the tree branches above him. Pulling his glasses back into their proper place, Scott breathed hard, almost throwing up as he thought about how close he had come to hurting Kim.

            He turned back toward her. And his heart stopped beating. And he did throw up. Because when he pushed her away from him, she had tripped over that same branch. And when she had tripped, she had fallen. And when she fell, she hit the back of her head against a rock.

            And there was blood everywhere.

A/N: Hee Hee. How do you like that cliffhanger?


	12. Guilt

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, especially after that cliffhanger. You can thank Lisa for this update because she asked if my stories could be posted on her site: Keep Your Eye Open. That kind of jump-started my writing again. Thanks to everyone else who's reviewed, too.

**Guilt**

Scott sat in the hospital's waiting room, the hard plastic chair digging into his back. Staring into space, he paid no attention to Warren sitting next to him, both of them waiting for word on Kim. He kept his eyes open as much as possible, not wanting to see the blood that seemed to be painted on the insides of his eyelids. In a way, he wished his mutation could destroy his eyelids, too – that way he'd never have to see the blood again.

The last he heard, a couple hours ago, Kim was still alive but in bad condition. Every time a hospital staff member walked by, he sensed Warren stiffen. But he was too lost in his own little world to be as affected. However, his brain was aware enough to nudge him back into reality when Jean walked into the waiting room.

He watched her look around, eyes landing on him and Warren, and make her way through the throng of people waiting for word on their own loved ones. He could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't quite sure what she would say when she reached them, but could also tell that she pitied him. A rush of anger filled his heart. She shouldn't pity him. She should pity Kim. She should hate him, fear him, never want to see him again. He could lie to himself all he wanted, and Xavier could lie too, but he now knew that he would never have control of his mutation. They should just lock him away so he could never hurt anyone again.

He glared at Jean as she stopped in front of him.

"Scott?" Her voice faltered, and he could tell that she could feel that anger rolling off his body in waves. "Xavier sent me to bring you home."

He stared at her for a few seconds. Was she insane? "I'm not going home. I have to be here when Kim wakes up."

She sighed and broke eye contact. "It's been 12 hours, Scott. You need to get some rest."

"I'll rest when she wakes up." His tone was a little more fierce this time, a little more stubborn. He hoped that the message got through to Jean because he wasn't sure how he'd react if he had to defend his staying a third time.

She sat down in the chair on the other side of him. "Then I'm staying, too."

He nodded once, then lost himself again, as he wished again for a different mutation – one that would be able to heal Kim…but, of course, if he had had a different mutation, she wouldn't have needed to be healed in the first place…

Self-contempt started eating away at him again, and everything else was drowned out. He didn't hear Warren introduce himself to Jean, he didn't see the doctors and nurses following the steps of their daily chaotic dance, he didn't feel Jean's hand reaching out to grab and squeeze his own.

He did feel the tears slowly leaking out of his eyes, and did notice as the rays evaporated the tears before they even got a chance to get beyond his visor. Maybe there were _some_ parts of his mutation that were good.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

Warren, Jean and Scott ended up staying in the waiting room for another three hours before a doctor came to tell them that Kim was stable. Warren let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. Jean squeezed Scott's hand, and he realized that she had held it all this time. His hand almost hurt when she finally let it go, as he had unconsciously been gripping it strongly the entire time.

The doctor's words bounced around in his head, not really making sense. He let Jean drag him to the hospital room that the doctor had apparently directed them to. His heart broke as he saw Kim lying in the hospital bed, looking so tiny and fragile with the bandage around her head and the IV sticking into her hand.

He went to the bedside and reached out for her free hand, pulling it toward him as he sat down in the visitor's chair next to the bed. He bent down and kissed her hand.      

Scott finally allowed Jean to drag him back to the mansion, primarily because he was too tired to fight it anymore. They didn't say anything on the drive back, but he noticed she kept sneaking glances at him. That bothered him as well. Again, she shouldn't be concerned about _him._

When they got back to the mansion, Scott went immediately to his room, fell on the bed and passed out. Almost ten hours later, when he woke up, his face was still buried in the pillow, his feet were still hanging off the side of the bed, and he had one of the worst tastes in his mouth that he had ever experienced. He got his hands underneath him and pushed himself up with a groan. Stumbling into the bathroom, he reached for his toothbrush as he flipped on the light with his other hand.

He caught his reflection in the mirror and he stared at the glasses on his face. He remembered the joy he felt when he realized they would allow him to see again. He felt nauseous, thinking he had traded his blindness for Kim's pain. If he hadn't had the glasses, he would have still had his eyes taped shut and she would never have been hurt. 

_Scott. Stop blaming yourself. It was an accident._

His anger quickly turned away from himself and toward Xavier.

"Why can't you ever just leave me alone?"

_When will you stop beating yourself up about your mutation?_

Scott didn't answer out loud, but the word never flashed across his own mind. He knew that Xavier didn't have to break his own ethical rules to know what he was thinking, either.

_I have something that might help you feel more in control. Come down to my office as soon as you feel you are able to do so._

Curiosity warred with a childish desire to stay in his room sulking, but the promise of control was too tempting to pass up. He quickly ran the toothbrush over his teeth, slid his fingers through his hair, and grimaced at the wrinkled t-shirt but wasn't bothered enough to change. He closed the door softly behind him, as he didn't want Ororo and Jean to know he had left his room. He didn't want any more pity or curious looks.

Knocking on Xavier's door, he entered without waiting for the invitation, confident that the older man wouldn't have asked him to his office if someone else was in there. He had been wrong, as he saw Hank twist in the chair, a smile of invitation on his face.

"Hello, Scott."

"Hank….Xavier."

"Scott, how are you doing?"

Scott shrugged his shoulders, still not quite understanding why everyone was so concerned about him. He wished that people would just acknowledge that Kim was the only one that deserved concern. The only thing he deserved was punishment.

"Have a seat, Scott." Xavier wheeled out from behind his desk and closer to the couch that Scott had tentatively perched on. "I know that when we first learned you wouldn't be able to control your mutation, you felt helpless. I know that the glasses' ability to at least turn the rays off seemed like the next best thing. Recent events showed me that we had to try to see if there was any option that was a little better."

Scott's stomach twisted, the blame he felt making him imagine that it was reflected in Xavier's voice. Did he want him to leave? Consider him a danger to Xavier and the girls? Did he lose his chance at the future school? For the first time in a long time, he feared that Xavier didn't really care for him enough to overcome this obstacle. Maybe he hadn't finally found a father figure.

_Scott. Stop worrying. I don't blame you. I don't fear you, and you shouldn't fear yourself. I know that's easier said than done, which is what I hope to help you with today. I want to give you control…_

"What could possibly give me control?"

Xavier turned his wheelchair to face Hank, who had been sitting quietly waiting for Xavier and Scott to have their private exchange. "Hank?"

The doctor stood, holding out something that Scott hadn't paid any attention to before this moment. The red material his glasses were made out of formed a thin line, which was surrounded by thick, black plastic. On the side was a dial. Obviously it was something to wear, but he didn't understand how it would give him control.

"Scott, I made this for you last night," Hank sat down next to him on the couch. "The goggles will fit more securely to your face, making it harder for them to be knocked off. What's more important is, this dial will allow the rays to come out whenever you want them to – and it will allow different intensities of the rays to come out. The glasses took away the power the rays had over you by allowing you to see. Now, the goggles will give you power over the rays."

"Why would I want to use them? All they've ever done is cause destruction."

"Scott, all of our powers have the potential for destruction. It's how you use your powers that define them. Ororo's storms could cause destruction, but, with time, she'll be able to cause a light rain to grow plants. My powers could let me control the minds of others, but I use them to learn, heal and teach. Jean's telepathy could cause injury, but she may someday be able to lift something that's pinning a person down." 

Xavier reached out for the goggles Hank was holding, twirling the dial to its different settings. "Who knows what potential for good your power could have. But one of the only ways to know is to learn how to use it. You can't control it with your mind, but you can learn to control it with this."

Scott gingerly took the offered goggles, turning them around in his hands as he inspected its design. Xavier wheeled back toward his desk to pick up a block of wood, returning to Scott's side with it. 

"We'll start learning how to control it with this," he said, putting down the wood and pulling a figurine of a horse out of his jacket pocket. "I want you to use the smallest setting and work on replicating this. You can work on it in here, in the privacy of my office. Hank and I will leave you alone."

Scott looked up, startled. "Don't you think I should work on it outside? I might wreck something in here."

Xavier smiled. "I trust you."

He and Hank moved to leave the room, but Xavier paused before they left. "Scott, I don't expect you'll get the control perfectly – this is just the first exercise. Don't go into this thinking 'I must replicate the horse'. Go into it thinking 'what do I have to do to replicate the horse'. Have fun with it."

The men left, while Scott looked back and forth between the block of wood and the new goggles. He sighed, closed his eyes and replaced the glasses with the goggles. He reached up and spun the dial to the smallest setting, stared hard at the figurine and let loose the first ray.


End file.
